Time Out.

JUST TAKING A BREAK FROM BLOGLAND. I HAVEN'T BEEN WELL AFTER THE LUNG BIOPSY. MY MEDICATION WAS REDUCED AND MY SYMPTOMS AND PAIN HAVE INCREASED. I AM SLOWLY TRYING TO GET BACK TO THE GYM. I'VE REDUCED MY HOURS AT WORK & I'M DOING WHAT I CAN DIET WISE. THINKING A LOT. STILL DETERMINED TO BE THAT "SUPERBAD DIVA" :)

Monday. Starting Over.

B = Quaker Oats (Golden syrup flavour) w/ semi skim

L = Ham salad wrap w/ Phila Garlic & Herb Cream Cheese, fruit salad box

S = 1 chocolate biscuit, some sunflower seeds

Drinks = 3 coffees

Water = 1 cup? Abysmal...

S= a few Ritz crackers w/ the leftover Phila cream cheese, 5? plain digestive biscuits

Drinks = tea & coffee (one each I think)

D = Angel hair pasta with brocolli & tomato pesto, Homemade chicken cutlets (chicken breast battered in egg and flour, pan fried in oliveoil)

S = Low fat custard

Awareness: Still on a snackfest, but today's menu was vastly improved given the past 5 days, so credit where credit is due. But, need to get the control back. I think I'm going to have to go a little Gillian McKeith on myself and cut out all the processed mess or something. I can't seem to just "cut back" like a normal person.

Exercise: Need to get the "OK" from my consultant, as the lungs still feel a bit sore since the biopsy on Friday and I'm not sure if it's safe right now to over exert them.

Tam-O-Meter: 7: There's HOPE.

The Good. The Bad. & The Really Greedy. :0)

Well, one has to laugh!!! ---> LOL / ROTFL & ALL THAT...

OK, let's assess the damage, shall we.... O, wait a sec, I can't REALLY assess anything because once I derail, I really DE-RAIL, you know? There aint no tally taking when I gets to hitting up the biscuit tin on a regular! So, where do we go from here?

Well, I ain't Catholic, but my husband is, so I'm going to hold "Confession" and let go of what I can remember in a massive "purge" and Move On - of course. This I learned from Our Lady of Weight Loss ---> she deserves a link. I'll figure that out and get back to you.

So. Forgive me, Body / Father for I have sinned...

I remember Eric making breakfast for dinner on Thursday, which was an omelette, chips, and sausage. I've been snacking on those freakin' mini flapjacks and mini brownies all week. On Friday I fasted for the op, but o boy when it was over we had Fish and chips and mushy peas in the hospital canteen... later that night we had one of those cheap (kinda nasty) oven pizzas with even more chips... At one point I did make a pretty healthy fettucina pasta dish with chicken breast and spinach and I had this twice I think (Saturday?)...Couldn't keep my hands out the biscuit tin over the weekend... we also had chocolate (a weakness of mine)... Oh! And a big bowl of chocolate icecream was had on Saturday (with aforementioned mini brownies)....  I started coming back to reality yesterday and made Savoury rice with spinach and poached cod (in a butter / milk sauce)... Water was sort of an after thought - I think I only had it with my meds... I'm sure there's plenty more to confess, but alas "Dieter's Amnesia" strikes again! Let's blame it on Friday's sedation, shall we?

Well, I'm not very impressed with myself, especially sincethe whole point of this page was to be some kind of "accountable" or some kind of "responsible," HOWEVER, I have learned from experience that "beating myself up" is only going to send me one place -- Depression Beaulevard. And Honey, I have too much going on right now to waste another second in that place. It could cost me the year!

Let's move on. Shall we?

Tam-O-Meter: 5: Yes, I fell down, but I'm getting back up again!

Worst Wednesday - EVER!!!!

Beware, this Tammy Train is Off the Rails....

B = 2 slices of white toast w/ 2 scrambled eggs (OK....)

L = Ham salad sandwhich on white bread, 1 apple, 1 pear, 1 yogurt (OK....)

S = Twix Bar (WHAT?!), custard pastry (HUH?!), 1 leftover slice of pan pizza, 2 mini brownie bites, 2 mini flapjack bites, about 5 custard creams...

D = Nada. Wasn't hungry of course...

Drinks = Water (NONE!) Plenty of tea and coffee though... ugh.

Awareness: I knew I was having an emotional snack food binge (It feels very impulsive. That "empty" feeling drives me crazy and I keep saying to myself "Whatever! I don't care! Tomorrow is another day!") Well, I know I care... it's just stupid

Exercise = Day Off

Tam-O-Meter = 3 Just feeling very low. A bit let down. Need to get this biopsy over and done with methinks...

Tuesday.

B = Fruit & fibre cereal + 1 weatabix

L =  HomemadeTuna Salad (tuna w/ mayo & olive oil, salt & pepper), lettuce, tomato, onion, bit of cheddar cheese, boiled potato)

Drinks = 2 coffees

S = 2 apples, 1 pear, yogurt, sunflower seeds, 2 small choc chip cookies

D = 3 small slices of a personal deep dish cheese pizza and some fries/chips :(

Drinks = 1 coffee, 1 tea

S = 1 custard pastry, 2 dried dates, 2 mini brownie squares, 1 chocolate mousse

W = about 1 litre

Awareness: Emotional eating definitely got the better part of me for dinner. Got some disappointing news and lost all my oomph / fight! Also, my snacks are embarrassing, but I seem to be able to "excuse them away" throughout the day. Writing them down is good therapy.

Exercise = Routine 2 (before work) minus some upper body weight training. It was a good session. Actually did 1 hr and 15 minutes before work! Starting to feel like a Powerhouse at the gym. All embarrassment and feelings of displacement - gone. I am OWNING IT - at last.

Tam-O-Meter = 5: Feeling a little "Gutted" and let down. I saw my Sarcoidosis Specialist today and I've been listed for a lung biopsy on Friday as I'm not responding well to treatment. I just feel a little apprehensive about my recovery considering what happened last time!! Anyway, I'm going to pray on it and try not to worry!!!

Monday Monday

Awake @ 3.30 am!?!

B: 1 slice of toast w/ flora,, bowl of fruity & fibre / 1 wheetabix & 2 dried dates

Drinks = 2 cups of tea, 2 cups of coffee

L = salad w/ chicken, onion, peppers, and pesto mayo, ff yogurt, 1 apple, 1 pear, some mini ritz crackers (7?)

D = Leftover rice, carrots, and poached cod in a milk / butter sauce

Drinks = 2 coffees, 1 tea

S = 2 dates, 1 custard pastry, 1 25g bag of Seabrook's crisps, 1 apple, 1 activia yogurt

W = One litre

Awareness: I snack A LOT. And I drink  A LOT OF TEA & COFFEE. I'm an addict. I know I need to increase my water and decrease all this coffeine garbage. I may need to re-visit the principles of the GI diet and stop all these cravings and that "empty" feeling.

Exercise = Went after work and did Routine 2 minus the cross trainer. Felt awesome! Definitely a Brickhouse Day!

Tam-O-Meter: 9 (What! What!): Feeling really proud of myself today. Can't believe my level of motivation is still high, the weather is turning, yet I'm not turning away from my fitness regime. Plus, keeping this blog forces me to FOCUS on a daily basis on my TRUE GOALS: Fitness, Health, and Family.

That Sunday Feeling

B = 2 slices of 50/50 toast (half white / wheat) w/ Buttery Flora, + 3/4 slice of cheese & tomato on toast.

Drinks = 1 tea, 2 coffees (so far) *I like my drinks sweet w/ condensed milk & 2% milk* [insert blush here]

S = sun chips, 2 mini flapjacks, 2 mini brownies, 2 dried dates 

L = Homemade Quesadillas (slices of chicken breast, onion, red & green pepper stir fried in olive oil then lightly toasted between tomato tortillas w/ cheddar cheese, served w/ tomato pesto mayo)

Drinks = 1 coffee, 1 tea

D = small portion of Homemade baked chicken & dumplings (made healthy! chicken breasts, veg, olive oil & the dumplings made w/ flour, milk, & flora)

S = egg custard pastry

W = About a litre and a half

Exercise = Gym Routine 2 + STEAM ROOM!!!! (yay! I finally did it! & it was good!)

Awareness & Forward Planning: No fresh fruit or veg in the house. Need to hit the supermarket. "Failing to Prepare is Preparing to Fail!!!!" (sorted!)

AM: Tam-O-Meter : 8

(feeling good! motivated! a little nervous about bathing suit / steam challenge... )

PM: Tam-O-Meter : 8
(still feeling good! motivated! but a little perturbed that I have no will (want?) power to shake my sweet tooth!!!) I put myself in a stupid situation re: snack because I didn't leave the gym 'til 2 pm then headed to the supermarket - STARVING!!! - that was stupid. I could've had an apple though. Anyway. Next time I'm taking fruit to the gym.